Happy Birthday Smallie!

Hey people, happy children’s day to all of us. We all are children, do not let your age deceive you 🙂 Today, more than ever I pray that the abducted girls be brought back safe. I can’t even imagine how their parents feel 😦 May God heal our land and make it better for us all. Amen).

This post is also the first official post on my brand new, ‘shabe’ website :D. Thank you for sticking with me through the years, albeit my dulling 🙂 I hope to make things better and sweeter.

The main reason for this post is to tell you about someone I know. I have known her for exactly eighteen years now (yeah, I know I am getting old). I remember how on the day of her birth, her mother went to the hospital and everyone thought she would come back with twin boys. They got a shocker when they she came back with a light, chubby, puckish, and beautiful baby girl.

I remember how she used to scatter appliances, furniture etc and fix them right back! She was a fixer back in her early days (She grew up and became lazy) -_-

This sisi was soooooo cute when she was younger that people used to clamour to carry her everywhere she entered…. Naija sun has put her in her place now sha 😦

Aha! She took her first steps a few days to her first birthday because she was told that there won’t be a party if she doesn’t walk before the day. The funny thing is, she was dancing like someone that has been walking for months during the party (I am sure she had been walking secretly before the threat).

‘Subborn’ is a title that has been synonymous with this girl for as long as I can remember. ‘Area scatter’, is another. Lol.

This sisi is one of the most caring people I know! She can be a pain in the a** but when she puts her mind she is a darling. She is the nurse cum engineer in her family.

This girl I have been talking about is my sister. She is a part of the most important people in my life. She is tired of my favourite ‘pet-names’ for her; ram, frog, toad etc :D. She actually implored me not to call her smallie anymore but I can’t help it….I changed your diapers,young lady! Lol. Ehen, I also ate your SMA gold, progress and the other ones wella! 😀

Dear Abigail, I just want you to know that even though I don’t show it as much as we would both love, I love and cherish you more than words can explain. I have watched you grow from that smallie to a beautiful, intelligent and sexy babe! (Dear boys, I kill people) I pray that God grants you all your positive heart desires now and forever more in Jesus’ name. Amen. Don’t worry, you would always be my smallie :* Happy birthday, my love. Love u scatter!!!

P.S- RIP Mama Elsie……eternal rest, I wish thee.

Movement ………….. to the permanent site

Hey lovely people.

This is not a post. It is a notice :D. I am pleased to announce to you that I have moved my market to http://www.shughar.com. This market must sell!!! Lol.

Here’s saying a big thank you for sticking with me through the years. I hope to bring more awesome stuffs your way.

The layout and all are still a little shaky because I had to do most of the work on the site myself; Kindly let me know if you think I need to change something.

That being said, I would like to implore you to suscribe to http://www.shughar.com. I have grand things planned for you 😉
Thank God and God bless you.

Loads of love,
Shughar

Echoes of distress

Good day loves, how are you all doing? I know I have been slacking and I have decided to take this blog seriously. I have been running away because i have hit and I am still hugging the dreaded writer’s block 😦 So, I thought of a way to help my market. I decided to get friends to write stuffs for you and I to delight in. I started on friday with a wonderful post and I am continuing today with a true life story with a wonderful lesson. Also, I decided to do audio posts since writing is not working at the moment. Today’s audio post is my first ever and it is kind of rusty. I left it as it is because I need your feedback to improve on it. Today’s posts are almost on the same frequency and I am pretty excited about that. Ok, i digress, kindly read and listen to both posts and comment on them. God bless you. Enjoy……

Days crawl by, times flies, and even moments fade away without a trace. I have been in this kind of situation before, and it’s never been favorable. Here was I again; I could hear a voice telling me,
“It will end like others did.”
At that moment I felt a battle happening within me; a war of words. My name is Olufemi Fragile: a bright, talented, dedicated, and self-inspired graduate – that is what people say. It was on a cold Monday morning, and I was ready for the interview. You know the drill; I had all my credentials in place, well ironed and matching clothes, and I woke very early – actually, I couldn’t sleep overnight. I had finished my service for the nation the previous year, but had not been able to get a job. Attended several interviews, exams, screenings, and several auditionings, but it hadn’t changed my status – unemployed. I have heard people say “the labour market isn’t smiling”, but I never thought I will live to share a similar testimony.
Nonetheless, I am not writing to tell you about the fact that there is no job in Nigeria, neither do I intend to tell you about how bad the nation is; that is obviously evident. That isn’t the reason I haven’t gotten a job. The voices in my heard are the reasons why I always flunked it whenever I got close to getting one. I almost froze as I sat down, the weather was cold, and the receptionist didn’t help by turning on the air conditioner. Every applicant awaited his/her fate. I was number 7 on the list, and the receptionist, a smart young lady that looked to be in her mid 20ies had just ushered the first candidate in. While trying to focus on the task ahead, I heard a voice that said,
“The sad thing about attending an interview in a company like this is the fact that they already know who has the job. This exercise is just a company protocol, and I am only here to gain the interview experience.”
Why will God allow me sit next to such pessimist; I could tell from his looks that he was older than me. He had long moustache like Herbert, and wore a ‘coat’. I smiled back and didn’t utter a simple ‘okay’; I wasn’t interested. He didn’t give up,
“You look young, and you have brighter days ahead of you. Is this your first interview?”
“Can we not have this conversation?” I retorted. He echoed a ‘sorry’ and turned to the guy by his left.
The second person was in, and the pressure became intense. Then I heard my mother’s voice saying,
“At least if you have a job, you will be able to assist me with funding your siblings’ education.”
That’s was what she always said, and I had taken it with me to the interview. At that point my heartbeat increased.
“Padi mi, nawa o. you sabi say Tunde don buy range rover?” That was Tayo’s voice reminding me of my desperation. Tunde dropped out and has a range rover; I graduated with a wonderful grade and guess what? I am jobless.
I was quick to whisper few words of encouragement to myself, “Femi! You must get this job. Go in and make this count.”
“Easy tiger”, I said as I took a deep breath. I was feeling confident again, and the third person was in.
In less than a minute I drifted into thoughts again. This time it was Tunde saying,
“Money brings you a woman of your dream bro, money must be made man.”
Confusion was swift in finding her way into my head; I couldn’t tell if I was thinking about making money or the fact that my joblessness was a hindrance to having a girlfriend. Furthermore, I remembered the voice of my mother asking me, “When will you bring a girl home? Your younger brother was home with his recently. You are not getting any younger you know.”
I became ashamed of myself, “Femi you are the first child. Don’t fold your arms and watch your brother overtake you.”
I shook my head feeling irresponsible as those thoughts rang in my head, but it wouldn’t stop,
“This is it; if you have a job you will be able to afford a girlfriend, and that will make your mother happy. Then, you can also take care of your sibling’s tuition fee. That’s being responsible and not just a figure head leader. All you need is a job.”
I blinked a tear in self-pity, and without faith I cried to God within me, “Why this torture? God please get me this job and end my pain.”
“What if this job isn’t meant for you?” Wherever that voice came from, it successfully casted a doubt within me; I was losing it.
“Number 7 get ready!” the receptionist shouted and her voice woke me from my slumber.
“Common Femi, don’t be a pessimist. You just need to believe in yourself as much as I believe in you. You will get this job.” That was Toye my bosom friend whispering the final words of hope into my ears. Everybody thinks I am more than capable to break forth, but I am yet to live up to their expectation. I keep struggling in an attempt to do so. Those voices; they all believe in me.
“Next!”
It was my turn, and as I stood up I told myself, “I wish you God’s best Olufemi.” I stepped in and the interview started.

I am pretty sure you want to know how it ended, I will tell you in a minute. But then, I know there is someone out there that is going through a similar ordeal. Imagining things, and letting ‘voices’ draw out the strength you need to succeed. I just want to tell you; stop struggling, live. Forget about what people want for you; dwell on what you want for yourself. This is your life; your choice, your loss; your lesson, your pain; your gain.
On a final note, the interview committee led by a lady told me, “Young man, you possess all the qualities we need but for one thing; you lack self-confidence. No company can succeed without it. You need to start believing in yourself. Better luck next time.” I lost the job.

“Stop listening to voices and start believing in you. You are all you need to succeed.”

Written by Oluwasegun Olufemi Fragile
Twitter hande: @fragiletimbzz
Blog: http://www.femifragile.wordpress.com

Kindly listen to and download the audio post here
https://www.hulkshare.com/shughar/post-1

Thank You Femi…..and thank you for reading. Please, do not forget to comment and follow this amazing blog :* :* :*

Somewhere only we know

That place only we know…

 It’s been three long years and you are yet to come home from overseas.

The distance doesn’t count anymore but the emotional separation.

We drifted apart over the years and in those years,we lost all our plans and carelessly (mis)placed all the promises we made to each other rendering them empty words.

Now we are total strangers except for the occasional “I still care about you” which used to be “I love you very much”.

How I long for those days(;)

Those days when we didn’t seem to care about anything, not the distance nor our inability to physically express ourselves.

Those days when all we cared about was our love. Our love blossomed like the rose in the sun notwithstanding the thorn by its side.

Our love stood strong through thick and thin, through the days of waiting and longing to see each other.

Oh so many plans !

So many dreams swept beneath the carpet. Imagination of you permeated my thoughts, Thoughts of you filled my days.

Dreams of us lying next to each other, skin to skin,lips to lips,body to body, looking into each other’s faces while you put me to sleep invaded my nights.

All it took to brighten my day was a look at one of your pictures proudly displayed on the wallpaper of my phone or the screen saver of my computer or the very bold picture of your face smiling at me from the large paper hanging on the wall of my room just like the one of me hanging on your wall too.

Or the little printed one sitting at a corner inside my wallet.

Our conversation lasted through the night into the wee hours of the morning.

You were my love, my confidant, my friend, my brother,my heartbeat and above all, my future.

I grinned from cheek to cheek when someone mentioned your name.

At the mention of your name,the heat rose from my toes and sensually curled up my spine till it encompassed my whole being and radiated through and through.

We argued to agree, you handled my tantrums and silliness perfectly.

How happy I was !

How happy we were .

You know that saying about how “it was over for you when that one person that had your mumu button locates you,” well the person that had mine had sure found me.

It was either You or You.

I was dancing in the sun and walking all over the moon from the magic of our love.

Every morning I say a little prayer of appreciation to the One who freely gave us the gift of LOVE.

I could feel my pulse do some acrobatics at the sound of your voice.

Ours was pure unadulterated love.

We were the definition of two imperfect souls,separated by distance but bound through love to become one perfect soul.

They said we would get tired,

They said it wouldn’t last,

They said distance will eventually creep in and pull us apart while others longed for what we had.

Months after months, I anticipated and eagerly waited your home coming and three years after, I’m still waiting , but not so eagerly.

Sometime during our journey, we let our emotion run wild.

We let distance trick us and lead our hearts far away from each other.

We let time control and redirect our passion.

We abandoned our love for so long and let spiders spin webs on it – web of doubt, web of betrayal, web of lies, web of distrust.

Slowly it started out as a busy schedule with us making out time to catch up on moments missed but eventually, we became too busy to make-up for the moments we lost.

Gradually, distance broke through our well-guarded emotion,breaking through our defence until we became almost strangers.

We let others in: male,female, we let them encroach on and poach on our love for each other.

We don’t even talk anymore .

Our eagerness and anticipation slipped through and the air sucked it up.

Now we walk on eggs while we talk.

You hide things from me and I in turn keep things from you until it became our new trend.

Slowly again,we have picked up our shattered pieces,tried to patch it up here and there and try to rediscover ourselves.

I’m willing to try again as I’m sure you are willing to. To start over again, to go back to that spot where we found love and where we lost it and perhaps take a different route this time.

But we hold back…

We let our fears and insecurity guide us rather than our emotion.

As much as we want to fight for “us” to blossom again,we have our fears.

But then I beg of you to let go of your fears and I, of mine too.

Let’s share our fears as we’ve always done.

Let’s build a new “US” based on true love, trust,believe,commitment, faith and hope as our new foundation.

Let’s give a new meaning to this shaky “us”.

Let’s redesign this love and fashion out a new future.

Let’s take it a step after a step.

Please say you are willing to try.

Give me all of you as I’ll give you all of me.

Let’s dream again, together.

Say you are willing to walk with me.

Please hold my hand and let’s rewrite this story of “us” but this time with a “happily ever after” end.

Adedoyinsola
twitter handle: @doyeenoblack

This wonderful piece was written by a wonderful person and i could totally relate to you. Kindly drop a feedback for her in the comments section…… Thank you

SEX AND THE CITY

When I saw that this was going to be the topic of the message in church on the 30/03/2014, I was very interested I confess. I was wondering what the speaker would talk about. I woke up very lazy that day and was tempted to go back to sleep but I couldn’t. I knew that I had to go to church to listen to the guy. When I got to church, it was as awesome as usual. A lady came to render a recitation; I was more than impressed (I should join that group). After all the usual senrenre, Pastor Bolaji Idowu climbed on the altar and told us that he wasn’t going to continue his message for the month because we had a special guest. I was gladddd because I had planned to stay for the first two services and I was worried for the worms in my stomach. Sha …. Pastor B introduced the speaker and all I could say was, “Oh My God”. (Dear Lord, please let my future husband be that fine when he is that age. Thank you :D).

Mr Lanre Olusola, ‘the catalyst’, climbed on the altar and I am sure a lot of girls fell in love (I am guilty as charged). Lol. Anyways, he asked for permission from pastor B to be raw because he didn’t come to talk like a pastor i.e. He came to tell us as it is. Pastor B gave him the go ahead and he started teaching. Ahem, I will also try to type it as raw as he taught it. You should have a bible with you for better understanding, by the way.

First of all, we read John 17:18-26. Then we read Matthew 10:16; it talks about God sending us out as sheep in the midst of wolves. He made a point from this scripture. He said that God knows that for us to survive amongst the wolves of the world we need the wisdom of a serpent (the devil) but we also need the heart of the Holy Spirit. This is a paradox! He was trying to say in lay man’s terms that you cannot live in the streetz when you don’t have street credibility. God knows that we need to be as shrewd as a serpent as it was written in the bible and that is why he says we should be as harmless as doves to survive in the world because world people are shrewd. Luke 16:8. In simple language, ‘okporlor eye, e no be open eye. If you are new in this game, make you go pay your tithe’. -_-

Next, we read Matthew 5:27-28 and Isaiah 64:6. In Matthew, Jesus told the people that, “whoever looketh at a woman with lust in his heart has committed adultery with her already in his heart”. So imagine how many guys and girls you have looked at and imagined how soft his/her lips are. Think about the ones that you have ‘mind f**ked’. Think about the porn stars that you have wanked to/with their pictures and videos. Aha! He further went to show us the scripture in Isaiah that tells us that “our righteousness is as filthy rags in the sight of God”. Most of all lust after guys/girls and console ourselves that we didn’t actually have sex so we are safe. Iro nla!!! We are just blessed to have God’s grace and the blood of Jesus to atone for our sins because if it were by our might, we would be paying for our sins steadily. James 1:14-15. Yes, it is possible to live free of temptation; Jesus did. Hebrews 4:15. That is why Jesus died for us, to augment for our supposed righteousness. Your righteousness is nothing without God’s grace. Romans 5:8, 2 Corinthians 5:21, john 3:16, Romans 3:23-24, Romans 8:38-39, 1 Thessalonians 5:11. To be tempted is not a sin. To ‘do’ with your eyes or your chomchomchom is the sin.

Ignorance is what makes us say that we do not want to have premarital sex because we do not want to go to hell. Truth is, as a result of premarital sex you can be living in hell on earth. He then left the biblical explanations and told about chakras. You will need to visit google if you do not know about chakras because explaining is on a long thing. I should say here that chakras are energy points in the body and that there are seven of them. Anyways, he explained to us that during sex, the chakras of both parties are synchronized. As a result of this synchronization, a number of diseases can be transferred and this will not be stopped by condoms because condoms cannot block energy flow. There are some things you cannot see but they happen through the energy exchange from the chakra. Some of these things are Diabetics, HBP, HIV, Aids, prostrate, cervical cancer, nervous system crash and even infertility.

When you sleep with a lot of different people, you collect all their energies and when you eventually get married, you pass all these energies to them. Imagine if the person has also slept with many people and both of you get to mix these numerous chakras. Have you ever though of why older men and women like sleeping with younger people? You think it is because their old spouse is not up to the task? It is because they know that they can tap from their vitality!!! Dear girl, that baba that is giving you 5k is taking away like 100k from you and you don’t know. There is also the spiritual aspect where you sleep with a possessed person and things just turn upside-down for you.

You should abstain from pre marital sex not primarily because of hell but because you become one with every sexual partner(s). You really do not know what that hot boy or girl is carrying inside them o.
It is easy to flee from temptation because there is always a window for escape. When you are watching that movie and the soundtrack changes and you know that the next scene will stimulate you, my dear be like my baby and cover your eyes. Mr Lanre said, “Temptation has a pattern, so you need to create a protection system”. I totally agree with him on that one as well as everything he said. It is harder for someone you are going to marry but you should stall because:
i. Sex reduces the time for communication.
ii. If there is a problem, sex clouds the sense of judgement especially when the sex is great
iii. You are not honoring God’s word (your body is still his temple).

At the end of the service, he did an altar call and broke yokes and situations that people have entered as a result of sex. So I say to you, if you know or think you are a victim of sex, please go on your knees and pray. My God is able and just to forgive you.

NOTE: You cannot condomise energy!!!

That is all, my darlings. Truth is I couldn’t do justice to this topic as much as Mr Lanre Olusola did but I had the urge to share what I learnt. I hope that I was able to explain this to as many people as possible. Sex really is not everything and most times it is not even worth the pain and heart ache that come with it. I know that ‘e no easy’ but with God’s grace and discipline, it is possible. There are audio cds for this program. You can let me know if you are interested. You can also visit my church Harvesters International Christian Centre to experience more of God’s awesomeness with me.

Mr Lanre Olusola can be reached on twitter @lanreolusola

PS- This is something I’d really love feedback for……….. Do you think all that i wrote is just jargons? What are your thoughts?Kindly drop your comments, questions, answers etc in the comment section. Anonymity is very allowed. Thank you.

SHUGHAR!!!!!!!!!!!!

*sommersaults* *dances* *whistles* *shakes bumbum*. Hehehehe. Ok, enough. Today the wonderful, darling, adorable, sweet, loving, friendly, talky talky girl named Jennifer, now called shughar was born :D…..Yes!!!!!!!!!! It is my birthday and birthdays are my favourite celebration so…………………… I wanna thank God, my family, friends and well-wishers for their love. I know the best people in this world, walai. I also want to thank God for the black man blood in me. lol (if you haven’t seen that video, you are a last-ma)……Anyhoo, since today is my day and i deserve to be washed, i thought to share two wonderful posts written for me by a darling friend and a ‘darlinger’ friend. lol

SHUGHAR
Dear Shughar,
My pen connects with my soul in shivers as I pour my emotions into words with the help of this red ink…
My pen does not look to flatter, neither does it look to drift from purpose… I want u to know I’ll never trade your smile for anything in this world.. Not even the manchester derby that comes up 2mao..
I have never seen u, not even ur picture, but reading from u gives me an insight into what type of woman you are..
You are as beautiful as the words u write… And strong as the passion with which you write dem..
Edo girls are beautiful… But u stand out, you’re not just beautiful, you’re the definition of beauty; you are adorable..
I’m lost in this couch thinking of how beautiful your smile is, my heart tells me yours heal the broken hearted…
What does your touch feel like? As priceless as queen’s Elizabeth’s handshake
A living legend, No! A living mermaid…
Oh! Ur eyeballs…… Shines so bright like the light at the end of my tunnel… Receiving me to fortune.
And ending my needless despairs..
@shughar… You’re a battalion’s dream come true, but only the bravest of em can lay claim to your heart….
You’re not in the league of other girls… Let dem grow heavy in envy, you are a Queen in your world..
And if the world says u’re not the most beautiful, who cares about the most beautiful woman when you’re my most beautiful woman..
I do not plan to share you with the world.
I’ll carve my heart in gold, and wear it on ur finger..
Permit me to will my future to you and plan our lives together..
If this love doesn’t come true in this world, don’t be scared.. I’ll be glad to create a home for us in the moon, beyond the grasp of foes.. Dining with the stars every night..
From a crush whose face is hidden amongst the roses, Fragile.
Written by Femi fragile who blogs www.femifragile.wordpress.com You can call on him for your wedding vows, toasting letters, wooing letters, and even break up letters -_-.

and then ……………
Here’s a toast to all your lovely Birthdays that we’ve celebrated together till now. It doesn’t matter if I am still in your life or not, I will always hope that you have many more splendid birthdays to come.
As I close my eyes for a minute to bring back all the lovely memories of the times we’ve had together, a smile comes to my face. May you see happier times ahead. Wishing you a very Happy Birthday.
I have seen you turn into a mature and more beautiful person with every passing Birthday of yours. May this Birthday too bring you lots of happiness and wisdom.

My Support,
My wonder woman,
My strength,
My weakness,
My oracle,
My Joy,
My heart,
My Love,
My pain,
My pleasure,
My skuddles,
Above all…….My Baby
Happy Birthday Patrick Oghenakhogie Jennifer Onotse Fishmonkey Skuddles.

Happy birthday to me once again and to Obinna and Leye and Papa Michael and Mama Joy. May the good God increase his grace and favour in our lives in Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Thank You guys……………..God bless you. As for you reading……………….kindly use the comment box to express you 😉 Thank You

RAPE-SHARDS OF BROKEN GLASS

The word rape is gotten from the latin word “rapere” which means To Seize. It is defined by many professors of the English Language as : The forcing of someone into sex. This definition has been modified over the years and many have argued that it is more than an attempt to achieve sexual fulfilment (although this may be the case in a lot of instances) but an aggressive desire to dominate a victim. It is largely considered as an act of violence rather than a sexual encounter.

HISTORY OF RAPE
In early societies, men obtained wives through the practice of bride capture(This is still in practice in some societies today). In this custom, a man would kidnap a woman and force her to have sex, and then he would marry her. A similar scenario is shown in the book of Genesis where Shechem raped Dinar the daughter of Jacob and sought to marry her( Gen 34). In these societies, what we would now call rape was socially acceptable, especially in times of war and was sometimes celebrated as heroic. For example, Romulus, the legendary founder of Rome, is credited with populating that city by capturing the women from a neighboring group of people known as the Sabines.
Some ancient societies considered rape a punishable offense. But, many of these societies punished the woman raped, as well as the rapist. For instance, under the ancient Babylonian Code of Hammurabi, a married woman who was raped was said to have committed adultery. The Hammurabi prescribed that the woman and her rapist be bound and thrown in a river. The option was left to her husband to either rescue her or allow her to drown. Similarly, ancient Hebrew law required that a married woman be stoned to death if she was raped.
Many ancient societies and even present day societies considered women as a form of property and rape was defined as an offense against the property owner—the woman’s father or husband—not against the woman herself. For example, the book of Deuteronomy, which delineates ancient Hebrew law, provides that if an unmarried virgin is raped the offender must pay the woman’s father 50 shekels and then marry her.

TYPES OF RAPE(The legal Angle)
As attitudes about sexuality and gender equality continue to change, legal reformers struggle to redefine what behaviors constitute rape.
However, as a result of changing societal perceptions, laws now prohibit several different types of rape (But this article is not about various law classifications of rape so I would not dwell so much on its details)
A.Forcible Rape
Sexual intercourse carried out against a person’s will by the use or threat of physical force is sometimes referred to as forcible rape. Historically, a person could only be charged with rape if force was used to subdue the victim.
B. Acquaintance Rape/Date Rape
When a person rapes a person he or she knows, it is called either acquaintance rape or date rape. The two people may be friends, former lovers, or presently dating. Studies indicate that a woman is more likely to be raped by an acquaintance than by a stranger or a relative. An acquaintance may commit forcible rape. However, the term acquaintance rape is usually applied when the sexual intercourse is nonconsensual but does not involve the physical coercion typically associated with forcible rape, such as assault or threats of violence.
C. Marital Rape
Rape of a person’s spouse is called marital rape or spousal rape. The English common law and traditional U.S. and Canadian law did not recognize rape within a marriage as a crime, Also many African societies do not consider this as rape. As recently as the 1960s the American Law Institute recommended retaining the historical legal doctrine that a man cannot rape his wife. The organization based this recommendation on the theory that it was inappropriate for the law to invade marital privacy. However, as a result of changing attitudes about domestic violence, many states in the US abandoned this doctrine and began to allow prosecutions for marital rape, especially if it is committed by force. In Canada, spouses may be convicted of criminal sexual assault.

D. Statutory Rape
Sexual intercourse with a person who has not reached the age of consent is known as statutory rape. The age of consent for sexual intercourse varies from country to country, but is usually 18 in most countries. This covers sexual intercourse with someone who is drugged or asleep, or who is mentally retarded or under the influence of alcohol.
E. Rape of Men
Traditional rape laws were gender specific, providing that only women could be victims of rape and only men could be rapists. In recent years, countries have rewritten their rape laws to be gender neutral. It is thus possible, although unlikely, for a woman to be charged with raping a man. In Canada, statutes prohibiting sexual assault apply to both male and female perpetrators and victims. But, sadly this is not the case in Nigeria and many African countries
Homosexual rape, when it is not covered by a country’s general rape statute, may be covered by statutes that prohibit anal or oral sex between members of the same sex, a type of sodomy. Although some statutes do not distinguish between forcible and consensual acts, forcible sodomy is generally subject to more severe punishments. Homosexual rape is a notorious problem in prisons. However, in society as a whole, rape of men—whether by women or other men—is not a highly visible issue.
The Philosophical approach
Rape raises a whole range of philosophical questions from the epistemological to the ethical, the ontological to the metaphysical. A philosophical examination of rape requires an exploration of memory, truth and meaning, of subjective interpretation and objective fact; of free will, choice, consent and volition versus determinism and natural selection; of identity, the self and the other; and of good and evil, morality and society
For us to truly understand what rape really is we have to look at it from a perspective beyond that of the rapist and the raped, which our legal system has effectively done justice to .
All or most definitions agree that for rape to occur there must be the absence of consent. But, this in itself creates further problems. For consent can be coerced directly or indirectly by threat, force, blackmail or even seduction (Now that is a debate for another day). If you say that rape occurs only when a lady “says no” and you still have sex with her, what if you point a gun on her baby and she “says yes”, she may even gladly undress herself and sex you till you say stop. Will you say it is not rape? Or if you argue that there must be forced penetration, what exactly do you mean by forced? Is it the violence involved? Or the compelling factor? Rape may occur with no violence at all and with 100% consent/approval. So what exactly is rape.
Rape is the violation of human will. When the will of one is coerced to favor the will of another,that is rape. When a person is made to do what he/she doesn’t want to do, that person has been raped. When a woman is made to perform sexual activity against her will, that woman has been raped. And whoever does this is a rapist. So to a mild extent, the seducer is a rapists, chris take note (This is an argument for another day).
The real crime here is not that her body was defiled, nope for sex doesn’t and never defile the body; but her mind was defiled and once the mind is defiled the whole being suffers. The negative energy that is released from her spirit during the fusion of intercourse or assault and amplified in her soul via her mind will at the long run affect both the rapist and the raped. This turns the creative energy of sex into a destructive one(see laws of sex). This in turn results in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Substance Abuse, Self-Harm/ Self-Injury ,Stockholm Syndrome, Depression, Flashbacks, Borderline Personality Disorder, Sleep Disorders, Eating Disorders, Body Memories, Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), Military Sexual Trauma, suicide and many more.

To The Raped
The first thing you need to do to heal is to forgive yourself for being raped. This is one of the most important areas mostly overlooked for there is always the tendency for you to blame yourself for the incident. Why did you trust him? Didn’t you know the spot was dangerous? Why did you wear such provocative dress? All these are quite normal. There always a time to blame yourself, infact I suggest you do. But then after all the blame game, forgive yourself. For nothing can undo what happened, so the best you can do is forgive yourself and learn from it. What better way to start than by showing love to yourself, make your hair, go shopping, see a movie, play video games . Love and appreciate the person you see in the mirror. Even if it was all your fault and you regret the mistake, understand that it’s okay to make mistakes.
The next thing you have to do is forgive the rapist. This is the hardest part of the healing process but it is the fastest way to heal. Forgiveness isn’t always to benefit the person who did you wrong. Your hatred and bitterness means nothing to the person you don’t forgive….it’s like taking poison, and waiting for the other person to die. Forgiveness frees you emotionally and enables you to move on. So don’t just forgive and forget, forgive and move on with your life.
Finally, you need help. You need both medical and psychological help. Get medical care right away. The doctor or nurse will test you for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), including HIV/AIDS, and offer you emergency contraception to prevent pregnancy (if victim is female). If the doctor or nurse does not mention testing for STDs or emergency contraception, ask for them. Seeing a counsellor or a close friend or spiritual adviser will help you effectively overcome the trauma that you may face.

To The Rapist
You need help. Nobody was born a rapist There was no woman in history that gave birth and called all her friends and said “Guess what? I gave birth to a rapist”. They became one. Rapists are victims of society. Many of them suffer psychosomatic and manic disorders. They are victims of child abuse, societal neglect, poor parenting, rape, and every ill the society has birthed in them.
You need to stop! Just stop where you are! Hold the breaks! Halt ! Even if you are reading this, stop reading at this point…..no you can start reading…. go and seek help. There is no formula to transform a rapist into normal person, but there is always a hand willing to help someone that seeks it. Change comes to those who genuinely and sincerely want it. So seek medical help, seek mental help, seek spiritual help. It may be that your uncultured behavior is the result of childhood trauma, who knows, you may even have been a victim of rape yourself. For only hurting people hurt others. #sayNoToRape

To The Reader
Rape is a crime against humanity. It is a brutish way of engaging pleasure, It is a selfish engagement of men/women turned beasts, An unsavory cup of vinegar that bitters in tongue, tonsil and tummy. So join this campaign ! share it, tweet it! Text it! 1+ it! Pin it! But most important say it! Say no to rape!

Written by Prince Xavier
http://www.st-princex.com
@Prince_Xxavier
http://www.facebook.com/philosophicalreflections
http://www.google.com/+PrinceXavier
http://www.google.com/+StprincexphilosophicalReflection
#SayNoToRape

SAY NO TO RAPE!

Hi people. Today is the seventh and last day of the #sayNoToRape campaign brought to you by #bloggersville. I am sure that you have learnt a lot. We have three posts today but I’d merge two and make the posts two. 🙂 ………….Please read, comment and share. THank you for sticking with us through the campaign. God bless you.

WHO AM I?
I live amongst you, we wine and dine together. As supposed human beings we have thoughts limited to us, but what are your thoughts about me as of mine to you?
In the sanity of my quietness I create the insanity of my actions. I watch them provocatively dressed, the well dressed are not left out of it as I imagine the sight of the unseen. I crave for squeezing those boobs and making their ass clap with the spank from my thrust. As long as you are a woman, you are a prey.
The devil, the evil in me is what they do not see. The coward, the bastard that I am is what they have no knowledge of.
So I pounce on them, one by one like a serial killer. I devour them, time after time like a timekeeper making sure nothing passes him by. I watch them helpless, I love when they scream, it propels me when they beg. I crave for violence of that of body, mind and soul. I am feminine destruction.
I know, I am aware and I don’t need to be told; I am a curse, a demon that has a ready plan of blaming the devil if caught. I am a beast, a predator hunting for preys. I am what the sound of the words “No, please don’t do it” feels more like “carry on, am loving it”. I am heartless,…. I am Rape.
#SayNoToRape

Written by Fowe Adetoye @hotsaucestillz

SAY NO TO RAPE

Why didn’t you tell anybody?
Why didn’t you run?
If it was me, I would have slapped him.

All these words kept hitting me from all angles, I wanted to scream.
I was the one that was affected, yet no one cared to know if I was fine.
I could silently hear them hinting that I should just have kept it all to myself.
I could hear myself on the inside saying over and over
‘I am the victim here’
But as usual I sucked it all in.
If you are reading this, don’t judge me.
I kept it all because I was raised to respect the elders
I was raised to recognize that the elders are never wrong
I was raised to never correct their wrong
I was raised to accept their wrong as right
I was raised to be seen and not heard
I was raised to never have an opinion.
Is it a culture attributed to only Africa or Nigerians?
I cannot tell.
So I am forced to keep mum and I did for 10 years.
I was taught that sex was a sin
I was taught never to look at a man.
I was taught to submit like a woman so that I would find a good man
But alas my sex organ were awoken
A little touch on my butt
A little squeeze on my breast.
And then it became agressive…
All the while I was in shock…
He is a father figure.
His love for me is just like that of my dad’s
Or maybe it was a mistake, and he didn’t mean it.
But is it not without my consent?
No it is wrong, but who do I tell?
I have reached the age of puberty, so maybe my mind is playing tricks
Or maybe my hungry desire to have a boyfriend is causing me to think thus
And so the mind game went.
My sister lay beside me one day and I whispered… “he touches me in a funny way”.
“He plays with my thing in a funny way. I bled today”
A hot slap and a warning to never repeat such
So I became mute.
I learnt the opposite sex, my peers, my seniors, my fathers: all love me.
Some want more but I cannot commit.
Confidants, best friends, bread givers
But I cannot commit.
I lost the power to love when he toyed with my genitals
Still I had principles…sounds impossible but it is true.
Despite the foreplay, my virginity remained sealed
That’s the rule at home.
I cannot be the exception.
So even though I am chaste, I am not.
God hates such and so in fear I trembled any time the males came close
A kiss and straight to the priest I go
I must confess lest I rot in hell.
They knew my life story…he did too
And so he waited till the time was right.
He took me and I refused
He took me and I screamed
He took me and I was naked
He too me and it was not with my consent.
He took me and I was voilated
He took me and I am no more a child
The act is done.
I don’t need to add by force
But this time I speak up.
The human spirit was made to thrive
So I speak up
Only this time I am lashing
I am angry
All I was taught was faulty
I drove prospects and invited suspects
I speak up and I find only hate
I speak up and still I cannot commit
The wound is deep
The scars have refused to heal.
I am not more a child, even at 25.
In my community he goes unpunished
But there is too much anger in me
But who do I blame?
My family, my community, or my religion?
All summoned me to keep shut.
I am a bitter leaf, but who do I blame?

I shared it with a friend, who tells a friend of a friend
And like wildfire everyone knows.
And once again I am at fault.
So I sit here quietly
Quietly wondering what my offense is.
Their voices begin to drown out my thoughts
But not before I asked myself.
“Do you want my younger ones to go through this?”
Hell no!
The silence is over
I will say no to RAPE!

Written by Tope Olofin
http://www.toperants.com
Follow on twitter @toperants

Rape: The Facts!

So I got a friend to write something about rape from a kinda professional angle. Its the second post for today…..kindly comment and share.

In a national violence against women survey which was conducted in 1977 in the United States of America, it was found that 1 out of 6 women and 1 out of 33 men had experienced rape (either attempted or the full) as a child and/or as an adult. Rape in this context is defined as forced intercourse (vaginal, oral or anal).

Most people believe strangers, perverts or “bad people” are the sole perpetrators of rape/sexual assault when indeed the act is reported to be committed most by friends, relatives, acquaintances, the nice neighbour who comes to watch soccer games on weekends, the maid who helps with chores and “other things”, the teacher who gives more lessons than the classroom legally allows. There have been reported cases of fathers detaining daughters and turning them into sex slaves.

What is most disturbing and alarming is that studies estimate that 50%–90% of rapes go unreported. In most cases, these rapes go unreported because of shame, humiliation, guilt, cultural taboos, stigmatization and the very real fear of secondary victimisation by law enforcement officials as well as medical and legal authorities.

Wife rape runs into stone walls in legal opinion even though there are now laws against forcible and violent non-consensual sex with one’s wife. Clinical psychologists use the term “sexual abuse survivors syndrome” to describe the post traumatic stress-like symptoms that follow the aftermath of childhood sexual abuses.

There are a few listed factors that affect the existence of rape. Baron and Straus (1989) theorize different causes, namely;

A). Gender Inequality: Relates economic, political and legal status of women in comparism to men.

B). Pornography: Reduces women to sex objects\, promotes male dominance and encourages or condones sexual violence against women. Pornography is reported to have high influence on rape as sex offenders confess to watch a lot of porn.

C). Social Disorganization: This erodes social control and constraints freedom of individual behaviour and self-determination.

D). Legitimization of Violence: Is the support culture gives to violence as portrayed in the media (movies, video games, music videos etc), laws permitting corporal punishment in schools, violent sports and excessive military exploits amongst many others.

There are personal and psychological factors common to perpetrators of sexual abuse/rape which affects both their decision to assault someone and the manner in which the assault is carried out, namely;

1. Offender acts in hostile, aggressive, angry, condescending and domineering manner and believes he is strong, courageous and manly, though he often feels weak, anxious, inadequate, threatened and dependent. This implies that his decision to rape someone can be as a result of over compensating for areas where he is weak.
2. Lacks interpersonal skills to make his point in society.
3. Needs to exercise power – uses the assault situation to prove to himself and his victim that he’s in total control and he’s superior.
4. May show sadistic patterns – often mutilates or murders victims to attain a feeling of total triumph over the victim.

Rape/sexual assault goes beyond trying to fulfill a sexual need or desire, some researchers interviewed rapists and gathered that;

i). Criminals who commit rape in the perpetration of a crime –for example, robbery – often see rape as an added bonus. It is there for the taking, so why not?
ii). For some men, rape is attaining the unattainable woman, a woman who is clearly out of his league and will never have gotten a chance with her other than through rape.

I have outlined also, most importantly the victim’s response to rape, they are;

-The victim may respond by showing no emotions; appearing unaffected.
May feel humiliated, demeaned and degraded.
-May experience impaired sexual functioning.
-May suffer immediate physical and psychological injury as well as long-term trauma.
-May blame herself or feel guilty (as society will make her believe her indecent dressing called the attention of the rapist or she feels guilt for not being cautious enough).
-Might find it difficult relating to and trusting others – especially men.

Rape has high potential for PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder), depression, panic attacks, GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder), social adjustment disorders, sexual dysfunction, eating disorders, dissociation, suicide and more negative world views and cognitive distortions such as blaming oneself, external factors and preservating on why the rape happened.

A rape victim however requires family support and acceptance in the early and latter stages of dealing with the event, also needs people to reach out to her (or him as the case may be), offering the victim attention to pour out all their pain (mostly verbally).

Written by Olateru- olagbegi Bode

Thank you very much Bode.

My almost Rape story-Elsie

Hi people, today is day 6 of the #sayNoToRape writing series. Thank you for sticking with us. Kindly read, comment and share.

Rape is a topic on the lips of most people these days because the rise of exposure on crime has finally come to light in this part of the world.

Rape didn’t just start, it has always been but our culture and mentality never gave the female child, ladies or women who are victims of these wicked act the right to speak up and demand justice.

Thank God it’s changing now and a couple of groups are stepping out to be the voice to the voiceless, to fight for them and encourage them.

I remember closing very late from church due to a particular program. My home was quite far from the church. I could have slept in the church premises, but knowing that some of my relatives lived about7 blocks away from church made me decide to go there instead.

I called to let them know I was coming over, my female cousin said she wasn’t home at the moment, but she will be returning the next day. She encouraged me to call her younger brother, even though her elder brother’s fiancée will not be home he would allow me pass the night. Confidently, I called him and he agreed. I got to the house and had my bath. I was about laying the bed when he asked if I was going to eat, I told him it was quite late and all I wanted to do at that moment was sleep. He said his good night and left the room.

Later that night, I woke up and discovered an object moving round my body. I was obviously spooked, until I realized it was human hands. I mouthed my displeasure which his reply was that I should not make noise. He didn’t want me to disturb his brother’s wife. I asked when she got back and he said it wasn’t long after I slept.

Then the talk began. He started professing his much suppressed love for me. How he has watched me grow into a beautiful woman. That he is sure I know what he wants and very sure I wasn’t new to his advances. At that point, I kept mute, thinking every possible action through in my head. “Is this how I am going to lose my virginity?”.

All I could do was pray in my heart and engage him with discussions. Telling him I never knew he loved me and that he never showed it to me I told him I would prefer he shows me this love before we go into this stage. I also mentioned that I was still a virgin and would like my first night pre planned.

 

I just kept talking and praying within. I remember telling God He has to save me from this one because I came here from church and not some sort of kurukere waka.

Eventually, he believed I was serious about dating him and that the sex would eventually happen. A miracle right? I thought so too.

He finally slept off. I couldn’t get myself to closing my eyelid. I regretted not spending the night in church. I thought of doing different horrible things to him as I watched him sleep. I just didn’t dare. All I could do was thank God for saving me from this one.

I mean, I regard these people as family even though right now, I now think twice. After the incident, I remember trying to ask my Aunt how our chain of relationship links with this people but she started with questions that made me forget about getting an answer.

I was able to escape this but so many people didn’t escape theirs. They have decided not to talk about it and die daily with the emotional trauma.

I have just this to say to you if you are one of those rapist out there:

I am not sure you have a heart or Conscience, but the next time you choose to take a woman by force. Imagine another man taking your mother by force. Or even your own daughter.

Oh well, I hear they even rape their daughters? God help us all.

Written by Elsie Godwin
http://www.elsieisy.com
Follow her on twitter @elsieisy