Day 5: #SayNoToRape
“He forcefully thrust inside of me, tearing my womanhead all the way to my heart, tearing my emotion all the way to my soul, tramping on my feelings and stampeding my self-esteem. I can only feel pain as he forced his way into what is mine; my temple, my body, my future. I’m his brother’s 16 year old daughter. He is my uncle, was my friend and role model until now, how could he? He wouldn’t listen to my cry for mercy, he wouldn’t acknowledge my hoarse voice from endless scream of pain, he ignored my tears and my blood-shot swollen eyes. I must have cried a river but he kept thrusting inside of me, knowing fully well that the stickiness between my legs is not wetness but my blood. How cruel can he be? I tried to look in his face, I can’t recognize him anymore, I can only see the face of my “rapist”: the devil with red face, two horns, green eyes, long ears and evil grin.
That afternoon, uncle Toba came home with a can of my favourite pringles. I always looked forward to his visit because he wouldn’t stop buying me things and I could talk to him about anything, unlike mum who is so uptight. He was my idea of “cool” and I had a girly crush on him. I was wearing a tank top on shorts . I sat across him and told him all the new gist from school; who had a new boyfriend and who was no longer a virgin and who still was. Suddenly, he was beside me on the sofa looking at me in that stupid way men look at women in adult movies. And so I pinched him, “uncle T did you hear me?” He replied by forcing his mouth on mine and sticking his tongue in my mouth. It was gross and I pushed him back trying to recover from the shock. How could Uncle T have kissed me? Our eyes met at the same place where his bulge was visible between his pants and I bolted for the door but he was there before me. He clamped his hand on my mouth and carried me back to the living room where he dropped me unceremoniously on the centre rug. He turned up the volume of the home theatre system and I could feel the floor vibrate beneath me. I clamped my teeth on his palm and bit hard, he jerked his hand away and smacked me hard with the back of his hand. Uncle T had never laid his hands on me and I shook in fear. I burst out in tears, “Uncle T! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bite you. I was just joking”.
I still believed he was playing with me and I never imagined sex with Uncle T talk more of rape. However, he was far gone, his eyes were wild, he slipped off his jeans and I could see the outline of his manhood through his boxers, It looked very huge and my eyes grew into saucers. I forcefully swallowed the lump in my throat. “You think I’ve been buying you gifts for free abi? My dear, nothing goes for nothing and I will reap the fruit of my labour today”, he said as he reached for my breast. It finally penetrated my brain that Uncle T was not joking, but intended to rape me.
I scrambled up and tried to make a go at the door and he put out his right leg and swept me off my feet. I landed on my back. He tore my tank top and used it to tie my hands above my head. He mounted me and held me down with his legs while he removed my shorts. He tore my pants to shreds. Fear wouldn’t let me scream and I still assumed he would soon stand up and tell me it was just a joke – my naïve 16 year old mind. He pushed my legs apart with his knee and tried to thrust inside of me, first time, it wouldn’t go in. He opened my legs wider and tried again. He put Spit in his hands and rubbed it on himself and on the third try he succeeded in thrusting in. I could feel my Maidenhead tear like ankara and screamed from the pain. After about 10 minutes of thrusting and grunting like an animal, Uncle T stood up, spat on me and told me I was a little bitch who had been tormenting him with my plum body in shorts and with my little pointed breast. Nobody will ever believe, not even your own parents, you so don’t try to tell.
It’s been exactly a month and two weeks since the rape and I’m pregnant. How can I explain that I’m pregnant for my own Uncle? Everybody thinks Uncle Toba is a saint and nobody will believe me, even you mum. I feel very dirty, used and so ashamed of myself. My sudden quietness is not from my first period like you think, neither is my continuous tears from my menstrual ache and of course, the blood is not from my period. I can’t sleep as Uncle T keeps coming to rape me in my dreams. I shrink whenever daddy tries to touch me, not because I’m sweaty but because I can’t stand human contact anymore. My three times daily ritual shower is not from cleanliness but from trying to wash away the memories. Every touch feels like Uncle T’s hands. I went by the pharmacy earlier today and bought “indocid” on the pretence that there are too many rats in the house. By the time you get this, I should be …”
Mrs Williams dropped the letter as she rushed into her daughter’s room and found lifeless body on the bed.
Rape is a physical, emotional, mental and spiritual abuse. Violation and assault of a person’s body, mind and soul. That which no one should be subjected to. It doesn’t just break one’s spirit, it practically ruins one’s life.. Accept and respect her No as NO. Say No to Rape..
Written by Adegoke Adedoyinsola