When I was younger, I used to imagine that my dad would one day resurface (with a different face) and say he did not die like we were told. That he had to go on a secret mission to save the world. That the cold, stiff body I touched in the casket was not his. That the sand I poured was poured into another man’s grave.
Maybe I felt that way after watching the movie, ‘face off’. In fact, now I’m sure that’s what made me think that way. I held on to that thought for about five years or more. I just wouldn’t believe he was gone. I wished he was there when I had my first period, when I had my first boyfriend. I wished he was there for every first!
I’m older now……..way older and I still think about him. I still wish I’d have someone to play the role he did in my life. The excessive love he had to give, the uncountable gifts he always gave. I think that’s why most of my friends are guys; I’m sure that’s why I love intensely. I’m craving for my father’s presence once more……
I hope that one day I’ll find him…..that man who’d make all that daddy represents now seem like child’s play. Someone who’d make my children say better things about him than what I say about my daddy. Someone, who’d make up for all my missed firsts, someone who’d make me remember what it felt like to be the first.
Till then…….. I’d just keep on wishing and of course, hoping.
I love and miss you daddy :*
RIP Mr Patrick Oghenakhogie Oshiobugie (20/04/1957 – 23/08/1999)